My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
