too bad you live with your parents still
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
