Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
