considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
