my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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