i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We left the knife in your bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
