I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
