he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
