I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
