Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
