Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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