i need an iv and a liver transplant
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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