I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
