Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
