isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
