I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The adults are the big ones right?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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