I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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