3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
