I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
