I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
