He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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