When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
