I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
