I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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