please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
