pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
