I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
