I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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