he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
