Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
