Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
