I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
