How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
