I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
