I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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