that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
