dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
