trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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