Barsexuality is the new black.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I love you.
Bad choice
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