your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
