Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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