like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
