im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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