Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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