you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
