his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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