theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
