if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
