my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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