Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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