Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She bit a glass in half.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
