Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
