i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
