I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
