I want to make a zoo with you.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
